Hi. My name is Shalaka, and I am a cubicle dweller
This cubicle-dwelling is a strange affliction, oft unnoticed til too late. Thought I’d do you all a favor, and help you discover it in its early stages.
- Flat butted-ness
- Jitters from artisan roasted caffeine intake.
- Bouts of narcolepsy, attention deficit disorder, and agitation.
Output: Known to produce some amount of excel spreadsheets if plied with the appropriate amount of mangos/bubble tea/chocolate.
- Link-clicking. (I’m on task, I’m on task! But look at that puppy/chocolate-covered recipe/women’s empowerment video. Somehow “25 women describe their gloriously unretouched thighs sounds so interesting right now. Somehow. I’ll be right back excel, I promise.)
- Reading the news. No better way to *not* start your morning just yet, than to ease into it with The Skimm‘s sassy tone and news summarizing. Added benefits – you sound like you know something about the world!
- Eating. Because your mouth is one of the few freely moving things whilst sitting on your ass for hours at a time. Pro-tip, 7-11 sells value paks of coffee-flavored knockoff Kit-Kats perpetually on sale for $1.24 USD) Pro-pro-tip, if you value your health, disregard pro-tip 1. You know, like I did.
- Music discovery. Even when Spotify is blocked (bc REALLY ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME CRY) Seriously thank the great pumpkin for NPR Tiny Desk concerts. And NPR in general. For no other reason than for being NPR and making things like Serial and This American Life and putting Ira Glass’ voice on the air for years, and and and and
- Actually scrolling down into the ethers of facebook. Stop it! I really don’t care about your backwards opinions about the result of the Supreme Court ruling! Wait. How do we know each other again? UNFRIEND. Wow I feel empowered right now. Sounds like I deserve some more tea.
- Bathroom breaks. See tea habit above. Also an excuse to straighten the stumps formerly known as legs.
- Unintentional naps. This screen looks so…fuzzy…lemme just close my eyes for a hot……seco………..
- Waxing poetic. Nothing is more self-awareness-ing and journal-filling than 9 hours with you, yourself, and, well….you. Angsts forgotten, hates forgiven, hair-cuts and life goals planned.
- Getting emotional. Because *sobs* why did the Civil Wars break up? They had such beautiful harmonic equal loving vibrato voices. *Reads every interview of each band member, analyses the performances in the weeks leading up to the break, back-stalks their twitter, and looks longingly at pictures of John Paul White because he is equal parts beautiful and brooding and they were probably in unrequited love*
- Learning. This sounds like the perfect time to start investing! Yea! money! Adulthood! Stocks! Dividends! Splits… ETF’s? Sigh.
- Writing tongue in cheek blog posts. And then returning (very quickly! I swear!) to the lovely world of Powerpoint.