if you love food, eat a mango like this


Step 1. Let go of the traditions you have steeped in your head of childhood summers in sweltering Mumbai heat, cooled only by turtle backs cut by grandmotherly hands of lawlessly sweet Alfonso mangos from the family orchard. Recognize there is more than one way to eat a mango, and more than one way to remember a person’s loving legacy. Make peace.

Step 2. Become frustrated with the lack of fresh vegetables available in a restaurant setting in your current location, and set off in search of street vendors.

Step 3. Befriend the owner of the fruit stand across the street from your workplace without speaking a single word of each others’ language. Simply show up everyday, point to sample every single thing, grin enthusiastically, and buy everything.

Step 4. Ignore his uncomfortably long fingernails.

Step 5. At his mimed and yelled encouragement, buy the mildly pricy sunset-hued and fragrant fruit. Buy more than one.

Step 6. Leave them in the fridge at work for a day too long. Forget about them until the moment you cannot endure another second sitting still in your cubicle. Remember. Rejoice.

Step 7. Wash mango. Gather napkins. A lot of napkins. Retreat to the visual barriers of afore-mentioned cubicle.

Step 8. Gently press, squeeze, roll the slightly overripe fruit, detaching the sweet flesh from the seed, until it feels malleable and releases a scent.

Step 9. Lay out napkins on the far side of your desk from the company-owned keyboard and mouse.

Step 10. Nibble a centimeter-wide (or smaller) hole in the top of the mango.

Step 11. Cover the hole with your mouth, and sip. Apply gentle pressure from the bottom of the mango, while continuously (and quietly) slurping the translucent juice. Knead from the bottom and use suction to ingest some of the not-too-stringy-but-enough-to-get-stuck-in-your-teeth flesh. Use your teeth on the outside of the skin to encourage more fruitiness into your mouth.

Step 12. Spill juice on the napkins, your lap, your desk, and all over your fingers.

Step 13. Surreptitiously glance around to see if anyone is witnessing your tryst with a mango, and deeply hope your boss doesn’t come around to ask about your presentation just then.

Step 14. Pick out the now-loose seed. Eat all the fruit still attached and discard. Make sure to get at least 10 fibers stuck behind your permanent retainer and your front two teeth. Tip the now-mangled skin back to drink the juice. Drip a little down your chin. Repeat kneading and sipping til contentment.

Step 15. Wash hands and face. Smile. Return to internship grind, a little satiated, a little sticky, a little serene.


5 thoughts on “if you love food, eat a mango like this

  1. […] Eating. Because your mouth is one of the few freely moving things whilst sitting on your ass for hours at a time. Pro-tip, 7-11 sells value paks of coffee-flavored knockoff Kit-Kats perpetually on sale for $1.24 USD) Pro-pro-tip, if you value your health, disregard pro-tip 1. You know, like I did. […]


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